Truthfulness

I was reading the Bible the other day and came across this passage. John 4:23 "Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks." The word 'truth' really got me thinking. Yes, I go to church every Sunday; and yes, I pray to God everyday. But am I worshiping God in truth? I don't know the answer. But one thing for sure, which is not all the time I meant every word I said in my prayers. A lot of time I said things just because they 'sounds right' or cause everyone say it. That is even when I was praying alone.

I can still remember when I first start praying, I think I was probably like 4 or 5 years old. I didn't know the 'formula' of praying or how others pray. All my prayers were basically something like this, 'Dear Lord, (...what I want...), Amen.' Although I didn't thank God as often, or my prayers probably sounded more like a x'mas wish list than a prayer. Despite all that, I am still proud of myself that I meant every word I said. I can still remember most of my prayers back then were for our family to be together forever. ^^

For whatever reason, somehow it seems like I just forgot how to be completely truthful to myself anymore. I guess this is probably one of those things, like innocence, where you just forget/unlearn through life. It used to be peer pressure in highschool and collage, you know where you sometimes say or do things not entirely your will? just for the heck of 'being cool' cause everybody else were doing it I guess? well...that really got me, cause it appears I get so used to that shit I even behave in such when no one is around. I have to remind myself the importance of being truthful. At the end of the day, how am I suppose to learn how to worship God in truth if I can't even be completely truthful to myself at all time?