Sad

Looking back in the past few years, things were going my way. I got a job, I had a girlfriend, I accepted Christ as my savior, I earned my CPA license, I got rid of a few bad habits, I finished my first ever marathon, I went to Europe for the first time, the list goes on and on. I was very blessed and I am really thankful for that.

Today, however was definitely not one of those days. In fact, I haven't been this sadden for a very long time. We broke up today. It was nobody's fault; for the matter of fact, if I really have to point the finger, it would've been my fault. I am sad not because of the result...well...I should say not totally because of the result. I truly believe our decision is best for the both of us. I am sad because it is nobody's fault and I am hurting someone who I care for. Knowing my personality, I know it would've been much easier for me if there was a dramatic cause or something. Instead now, I am struggled as to what to do. Things like...should I still call her once in awhile? Will she feel sorrow hearing my voice or may even think I am shedding crocodile tears? On the other hand, if I disappear just like that. I don't want she to think after sharing her love with someone for so long, and that person becomes completely indifferent just like that. I know I wouldn't want that happening to me, and more importantly, that is not the case.

Earlier today, a friend of mine told me this; why does it even matter? unless you guys still want to get back together, what is the point of showing that you still care for your ex? Well...as much as I want to argue with him, I was tongue-tied on my retort. It crossed my mind that, maybe that's what she is thinking too; that you are either in my life or just leave me alone. ~Sigh~ don't make things any worse Edmond, you've done enough damage already, maybe you should just shut up and fuck off...